I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am midnight drunk by noon
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
