the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
