I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
God I need to hump something, right now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
