So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
