the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
