So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
