so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
