I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
