so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im holly from the hills drunk
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
