my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
