My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
