If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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