CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
