When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
