she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
