When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
