i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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