Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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