You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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