Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
