I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
