She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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