could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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