ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need a burrito and a hug.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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