Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize