I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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