she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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