Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
