they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
