did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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