All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
