Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
