Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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