Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize