i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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