somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
