I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
