Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize