FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
