Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
