so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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