If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
