I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
