Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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