i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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