Ambien. No doubt about it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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