I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
