They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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