and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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