Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
