Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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