He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
