You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
