My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I party with great urgency now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
