Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
