So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have post one night stand depression
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
