I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
