and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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