it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
