you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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