i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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