i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize